Home

Advertisement

Customize
ghost in the shell
"If a cyber could create its own ghost, what would be the purpose of being human?"
current input data
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
252627282930
Nov. 10th, 2007 @ 11:18 am you created this
background noise: caustic - the reason i broke up with you is a million reasons you psychotic wang
i told kevin yesterday that i don't want to talk to him anymore. after his most recent comments... i'm done.

why was i planning to send christmas and birthday presents to someone that wouldn't do the same for me?
that didn't do the same for me even when we were together?

who are you when you realize that a decade of your life has been a waste?

***

i am so glad i found Sean. otherwise i'd have no idea what love is supposed to look like. i live with absolute certainty that i am loved more than anything, exactly the way i am, in a healthy and mutually supportive way. no anxiety for what the future holds. no fear of abandonment.

i'm not pouring my love and affection into a black hole.

not anymore.

i have done it for ten years. i will not give one ounce of love to anyone that doesn't deserve it.
so much of it has been used up already on greedy, thoughtless hearts...
user entry data...
pointy hair
Sep. 27th, 2007 @ 10:50 am (no data)
i've lost 8lbs in the last month or so. probably because of the Topomax, probably because i cut out caffeine and pop, probably because i drink 3 or 4 bottles of water a day...

one of my friends is in the hospital. and i don't really know how the fuck to help her when she gets out. she feels pretty worthless right now. how do i tell her that some of the best people i know, some of the friends that i trust more than anyone, have been in the hospital at one point or another? she just joined the club, that's all?

i'm just fucking terrified that my words won't be enough.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Jun. 24th, 2007 @ 11:06 pm "dig inside the crack beside the pain that is a home"
thanks to the NRDC, the USSA managed to pass a bill requiring SUVs to get 35 mpg by 2020. personally i think they should be banned altogether. right... now.

***

i own far too much stuff, no thanks to my work, and need bookcases. in a couple weeks i think i shall make the two hour trip to my nearest Ikea and buy some storage/display devices (aka bookshelves). i don't want all my "limited edition" everything to get ruined... (like my first edition hardcover of "Coraline", limited to 4000 copies with a glow-in-the-dark dustjacket, or the limited edition hardcover of "The Day I Swapped My Dad For Two Goldfish", including an audio CD of Neil Gaiman reading the book, or my Criterion Collection DVDs of "Seven Samurai" and "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"...)

***

i recently finished reading an AMAZING book called "Bitten: True Medical Stories of Bites and Stings", written by Pamela Nagami, M.D.

if you've ever wondered exactly how the venom proteins of Australian Funnel Web spiders work on the human body (but how rabbits are unaffected by it), or how rabies infects the nervous system (it travels up nerve fibres, not through the bloodstream, and often causes hydrophobia), or why some ticks cause paralysis (they are arachnids, after all, and some never quite got rid of their venom glands, evidently), and how a bite from a cat can kill you (they carry a bacterium called Pasteurella multocida - multocida meaning "killer of many")... check out this book. you'll learn a ton of TERRIBLY interesting (though often disgusting and disturbing) facts.

you'll certainly never want to own a ferret again. (they are know for eating babies' faces. really. widdle baby noses and ears... devoured by needle-sharp teeth.)

***

right now i'm reading Chuck Klosterman's "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto". too funny for words. his observations of pop culture are priceless (and very VERY true.)

***

i just bought this lovely Bettie Retro One Piece Swimsuit in Black Cherry. thank you, PinUpGirlClothing.com!

***

my friend John (the one i met at the Skinny Puppy show), finally got in touch with me. we hung out the other night (hooray sushi and rum casada cake!), and i'm caught up on the last bit of Fullmetal Alchemist i missed out on. i can FINALLY watch "Fullmetal Alchemist the Movie: The Conqueror of Shamballa (Limited Edition)"!!!

***

i think i'll go dye my hair dark plum now...
user entry data...
pointy hair
May. 16th, 2007 @ 12:33 pm "the pictures in my head are great / i prefer them over you"
mood: exhausted
holy shit, i'm updating this thing...
thank you to Marc for the incentive.

well, i bought tickets to the Skinny Puppy show at the Agora today. after Ticketbastard got done raping me, a $22 ticket became $30.60. their convenience charges and processing fees are utter bullshit. i would have bought one day of show, but i'd STILL have to buy it from a Ticketbastard booth at the Agora. and i'm worried about the possibility of them being sold out...

***

everyone have a party. that supreme asshole Jerry Falwell is dead. presumably struck down suddenly by god's wrath.

***

in actual news, i've made up my mind to go back to school. yes, i can hear you all collectively shitting your pants at that thought.
BVR (Vocational Rehabilitation to those of you in TN) wants to pay for me to go back again.
i've decided that as i've already managed to get most of my core classes out of the way at MTSU, and they should transfer, i'll have little trouble in completing an Associate Degree in two years even if i take less than a full course load.

what will my major be, you ask?

Vet Tech.

either from Kent or Tri-C. (they're the only schools in the area that offer a Vet Tech degree.)

my reasoning is, i can do something i actually enjoy doing, and work someplace that will likely have benefits. most Vet Techs get paid between $15-$20 an hour. everyone at Petmed encouraged me to do this... they said i'd be great at it.
and my mother informed me that i might be able to get out of taking college algebra and calculus with my disabilities.

and most importantly, i'll be a Class-B skilled worker to Canadian immigration.

time to get the fuck out of Amerika.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Apr. 16th, 2007 @ 10:58 am why i hate goths.
this is it. this perfectly explains my loathing, in a simple instructional video. turn your speakers way up for this one...

user entry data...
pointy hair
Apr. 10th, 2007 @ 08:08 pm Johnny Cash's house burns
HENDERSONVILLE, Tenn. - Johnny Cash's longtime lakeside home, a showcase where he wrote much of his famous music and entertained U.S. presidents, music royalty and visiting fans, was destroyed by fire on Tuesday.

Cash and his wife, June Carter Cash, lived in the 13,880-square-foot home from the late 1960s until their deaths in 2003.

"So many prominent things and prominent people in American history took place in that house — everyone from Billy Graham to Bob Dylan went into that house, said singerMarty Stuart, who lives next door and was married to Cash's daughter, Cindy, in the 1980s.

Stuart said the man who designed the house, Nashville builder Braxton Dixon, was "the closest thing this part of the country had to Frank Lloyd Wright."

When Cash moved there, the road was a quiet country lane that skirts Old Hickory Lake.
Kris Kristofferson, then an aspiring songwriter, once landed a helicopter on Cash's lawn to pitch him a song.

The landmark video for Cash's song "Hurt" was shot inside the house.

"It was a sanctuary and a fortress for him," Stuart said. "There was a lot of writing that took place there."

Richard Sterban of the Oak Ridge Boys lives on the same road as Cash. "Maybe it's the good Lord's way to make sure that it was only Johnny's house," Sterban said.

The property was purchased by Barry Gibb, a member of the Bee Gees, in January 2006. Gibb and his wife, Linda, had said they planned to restore the home on Old Hickory Lake and hoped to write songs there. They had not yet moved in to the home.

Dixon built the three-story house in 1967 for his own family, but Cash fell in love with it. Dixon was reluctant to sell, but Cash kept after him.

"It was a very, very unusual contemporary structure," said Cash's brother, Tommy Cash. "It was built with stone and wood and all kinds of unusual materials, from marble to old barn wood. I don't think there was a major blueprint. I think the builder was building it the way he wanted it to look."

The younger Cash said many holidays and family get-togethers were spent at the house. And while Johnny and June also owned a house in Jamaica and a second house in Tennessee, they considered this one to be their home.

"Johnny and June lived there the entire time they were married," Tommy Cash said. "It was the only house they lived in together until they both passed on."

The fire, in this suburb about 20 miles northeast of downtown Nashville, started around 1:40 p.m. Fire trucks arrived within five minutes, but the house was already engulfed in flames, Hendersonville Fire Chief Jamie Steele said.

Just a few hours later, there was almost nothing left except brick chimneys and the steel frame.

The cause is unknown, but Steele said the flames spread quickly because construction workers had recently applied a flammable wood preservative to the exterior of the house. The preservative was also being applied inside the house.

No workers were injured, but one firefighter was slightly hurt while fighting the fire, Steele said.

Cash's long career, which began in the 1950s, spanned rock 'n' roll, folk and country. His hits included "Ring of Fire," "Folsom Prison Blues" and "I Walk the Line."
user entry data...
pointy hair
Apr. 3rd, 2007 @ 12:43 pm my friend Eric Mohat
mood: crushed
we wish we had known he was hurting so much inside. he never showed it. he was always so happy, like a kid on a permanent sugar rush.

***

he was... is... such a wonderful, happy, cool in that dorky way that rocks so much, smart and amazing kid.

i am always going to treasure my memories of...

going on grocery store adventures.

setting off fireworks on new year's eve to terrify the backyard turkeys and running when we thought the cops were coming up the street, and making the abominable ice cream sundaes, and watching "Sean of the Dead".

musing on the fact he totally wasn't grossed out when Erin and i started talking about boobs and birth control (even though he'd cringe when i started in about tattoos and piercings.)

watching him come bounding down the stairs with a huge grin on his face to greet me and "Professor Awesome", aka Sean.

seeing him wearing his cat hat, the one Erin made him for christmas, the one that except for color is just like the one she made me.

***

even though he's gone, he's still helping people. his heart valves saved three kids. his corneas and veins were donated, too. in all he'll be improving or saving the lives of over 70 people.

Eric, we miss you so much. everyone is wearing pink for you. even the guys.

tough guys wear pink.

Eric's myspace page

***

there were probably 2000 people at the Celebration of Life ceremony yesterday.
the line for the meet-and-greet snaked its way around the inside of Mentor United Methodist Church and even outside...
they had to set up overflow seating, and even then, people were standing in the back.
there was laughter with the tears.

i am glad the Mohat family agreed to have it at the church, even though (like me), they are uncomfortable with all the god/jesus stuff.

but some people needed it to help them through their grief.
and there's no way we had any idea so many people would be showing up...

Eric touched so many people in his life, and yesterday was proof of how he continues to, even now.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Feb. 7th, 2007 @ 01:52 pm (no data)
magical hospital adventures / trip to Nashville


let's see... where to start...

a few weeks ago, i celebrated 6 months with my wonderful Sean.

i got him Mike Judge's and Don Hertzfeldt's "The Animation Show" on DVD. he got me a memory card for my new Gamecube.

we went to Coventry and had lunch at BD's Mongolian Barbeque. our server turned out to be someone he knew when he worked at Panera... she gave us our drinks and dessert for free!

we shopped around for a while... spent time in Big Fun (the best collectable toy store EVER) and i bought a bumper sticker with Dubbya that says "War is Peace" (gotta love "1984" references.) i also finally got around to buying my own copy of Skinny Puppy's "The Greater Wrong of the Right".

when we got back to town, i stopped by Sudden Urge (the tattoo shop i used to work at). they've hired a full-time piercer and have taken on his girlfriend as a tattoo apprentice. they're both really really nice and the piercer said he'd be happy to teach me and pierce me. ah, i miss the smell of green soap...

i also went by the Starbucks next door to say hi to Lauren... when she saw Sean she freaked out and said "THIS is your boyfriend?!?" turns out they used to work together at Panera as well!

everyone really adores Sean, especially me. i am always smiling when i'm with him. ^_^

***

about 4 am the next morning, i started to get horribly sick. i ended up calling in to work and asked Sean to take me to the hospital. i thought perhaps i had food poisoning...

Sean rushed me to the hospital, worried that something was really wrong with me. i just couldn't stop throwing up, and i was so dehydrated i had trouble walking.

after an IV with two bags of fluids and some medication, i was told i had contracted the stomach flu that is going around at the moment.

it took a few days to get back to normal and i lost about 10 lbs...

***

the Friday before last Sean and i went to grab dinner at Penn Station. when i went to get my order, i slipped on one of the several puddles of water on the floor from melted snow. i slammed hard into the tile floor and had trouble getting up due to a horrible pain in my right arm.

the next day i went to the hospital AGAIN... i got x-rays of my elbow, which turned out to be inconclusive, other than showing i had fluid built up in my elbow joint. the doctor said she thought my arm wasn't broken, but i was suffering a severe contusion. she said the radiologist would have the final word.

Saturday i went back to get follow-up x-rays. i have slightly more movement in my arm and wrist, but i can't bear any weight on them without suffering searing pains. i still haven't heard back from the radiologist...

***

last night someone bought in a large buy of anime on VHS. i just happened to glance through the box to see what the titles were... and was horrified to see "La Blue Girl" volumes 1-3, "Angel of Darkness", "Rei Rei"... about 15 hardcore hentai titles. i explained to everyone that there was NO WAY we could put them out. *laughs* so i am now the proud owner of all those VHS tapes. HOORAY PORN!

***

yesterday my brother took my car in for a tune-up because...

Friday i leave for Nashville with Sean!!! we'll be leaving around 10 am Friday morning and get in around 7 pm Central time. i hope to get together with everyone Saturday, and especially on Sunday at Code Blue for Salvation (Sunday is my 26th birthday!)

i'll be leaving for home again on Tuesday, swinging by Dayton to see my sister and brother-in-law.

i can't wait to see all of you!
user entry data...
pointy hair
Dec. 25th, 2006 @ 06:13 pm (no data)
merry christmas to all the ones i love! i miss you so much. i hope you are having a wonderful holiday.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Dec. 5th, 2006 @ 02:11 pm indifferent but now and then you panic for a while
background noise: seabound - no sleep demon v2.0 (entire album)
i'm sorry it is so long between updates these days. dialup really sucks, and it rarely loads the page.

there's about 6 inches of snow outside...

***

the bed i want

the sofa i want

the glassware i want

the plates i am buying today

the flatware i bought yesterday

***

just preparing to have my own place eventually... these profitsharing checks enable me to make my daydreaming a reality. i can get my bills paid off and shop for the things i need to live comfortably in an apartment.

***

my review at work went well. i got a raise... the highest amount i was eligible for.

***

i'm working on christmas shopping for friends and family. about halfway there... if i don't have something bought, i at least have something in mind.
if i send you something, that doesn't mean i expect anything in return. this is the first year i've had money to buy things for all the people i love. (god knows there's been enough years that you've sent something and gotten nothing in return...)

***

it would appear i'll be in an art show next spring. my friend Marc Church will be putting a custom Munny exhibition together, and wants me to be part of it. i already have a couple pieces in mind to do.

***

Sean graduates in a little less than two weeks, either Cum Laude or Suma Cum Laude. i am so excited for him, and proud of him!

i love my Sean. ^_^
user entry data...
pointy hair
Oct. 17th, 2006 @ 07:21 pm Sean. Three Months. Douchebaggery Deadline Defeated!
Sean and I have been together for three months, as of today.

not a single hint of assholeishness. no desire to decide my future for me. no drugs or being a drunk. no broken promises. no making me cry.

if this IS a charade, it has been a damn good one, and most other guys have grown tired of acting long before now.

but I know this isn't a lie. the fact that he is also loved by my family is proof of that. they aren't blinded by bullshit emotion like I tend to be, and thereby have an unbiased view of the people I date. and they like him a lot, and never cease telling me so.

I have hope for a future with Sean. but I don't dare rush it. if nothing else from all that I've been through, I have learned patience...
user entry data...
pointy hair
Oct. 17th, 2006 @ 06:09 pm (no data)
well, the amazing vinyl lip service maid dress i ordered was about a zillion sizes too small. (evidently EVERYONE says their sizes run small, so i don't feel bad.)

so instead i'm going with this leg avenue black vinyl nurse costume, exclusive to halloween express. (already tried it on, and it looks fantastic.)

i ordered some charade-05 shoes from demonia, as well.

and i have a nurse riding crop.

needless to say, Sean is very pleased, and is looking forward to birthday spankings. ^_^

***

in other news, i already found my costume for next year... pink and black stripey pirate! WITH MATCHING PANTIES!!!

***

hanzel und gretyl were amazing. what a way to spend friday the 13th of october!

i was right in the front, getting my fist pounded by loopy at the end of every song. vas caressed my hand once. and i caught a drumstick!

the show was pretty violent, and i got shoved a lot, but no black eye this time (another girl wasn't so lucky). i have some bruises on my knees, though, from being shoved against the stage.

after the show was over, i got my ticket and drumstick signed by kaiser von loopy and vas kallas. i told them i saw them election day (november 2nd) 2004 in nashville, opening for ministry. we talked for a bit on how insane that show was. vas said she regretted not being able to do nashville this tour, because she loved the crowd there. loopy was suffering beer/jagermeister amnesia by that point, but he remembered that show as well.

people trying to have conversations with the two of them in german amuses me terribly. they kept telling people "seriously, we have no idea what you're saying. we're from new york."

i bought a t-shirt... "hanzel und gretyl" on the front, "fukkin uber!" on the back
user entry data...
pointy hair
Oct. 4th, 2006 @ 12:29 pm (no data)
the show was amazing last night.

The Agora Ballroom actually has their shit together, unlike a couple other places i've been that shall remain nameless... when they say doors are at 8, the show starts soon after. instead of 2 1/2 hours or more later...
the only irritating thing was that i had to buy a ticket, as opposed to just giving the guy at the door money. so i had to stand in line twice.
but the sound was good, and the atmosphere was as well. it was clean and generally non-shitty.

Rotersand opened. people were still making their way in (myself included), so the floor was far from packed. but their energy was infectious. i love bands that are obviously having a good time and want everyone else to enjoy themselves, too.

Imperative Reaction was up next... it was just Ted, Clint, and Sam (no Gabriel). they played a few songs off their forthcoming release, "As We Fall", as well as some from "Redemption". i bought a copy of "Redemption" (hooray for owning it again!). i also bought at Imperative Reaction baby tee.

i talked with Sam for a bit, saying i used to know his mom and dad when they were still living in Nashville, before they moved to Seattle. i asked how his brother was doing (some of you may remember me posting about the "Antiviolence Benefit"... Sam's brother was brutally attacked on a metro, requiring thousands of dollars in facial reconstructive surgery and hospitalization, and he was uninsured.) Sam said he has one surgery left, it seems, but that he is almost back to normal.
i also mentioned that his mom thought my ex, Mark, looked like him... she had a picture taken with Mark right before they moved to Seattle. Sam laughed and said his mother had sent him the picture, and that yeah, they do kinda look alike.
he and Clint and Ted signed my CD... Sam saying he'd say "hi" to his folks for me. ^_^

Covenant was up next... by then the house was pretty full. they were mindblowing. in addition to the sound, the lights were fantastic as well. the strobes were blinding... like lightning flashes. (i am big on aesthetics. blame the artist.)
they played songs from their newest release, "Skyshaper", as well as the more well-known singles. after a break they came back up, and played a few more songs.
everyone was moving, waving their arms, clapping, smiling...
we even managed to get an encore.
say what you will about futurepop, but you can't help but leave feeling uplifted.

***

i hate knowing that at one point Seabound was part of the lineup. sadly, due to scheduling conflicts with the booking agency, they had to cancel. i hope they'll be doing another tour soon to promote their new album, "Double-Crosser".

***

i managed to meet a few people as well... a new industrial nightclub is opening in the flats tonight, and i was invited to come out. no cover. it can't be any worse than the chamber... we'll see how tired i am after i get off work.

***

i've picked out my halloween costume.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Sep. 29th, 2006 @ 12:36 pm the days are just packed.
October 3rd- Covenant with Imperative Reaction and Rotersand at The Agora Ballroom.
October 13th- Hanzel Und Gretyl with Bella Morte at The Phantasy.
October 27th- Sean's birthday/Halloween party

i will be so broke. again. ^_^;

i still need to find a costume...

***

Sean and i have been dating for almost 3 months now.

i have discovered that 3 months is sort of an asshole-benchmark. douchebaggery tends to follow soon after, though usually some time before:
standing me up on dates, sleeping with an ex, doing coke/getting drunk and shitty, lying to my face and laughing about it afterwards, taking money and never repaying it, raping me, ignoring the fact that a friend raped me because it is easier than dealing with it, spilling beer all over my artwork, destroying my artwork during fights, saying horrible things to me or about me to mutual friends, making me feel like shit for liking a band/movie, dumping me for no fucking reason, etc.

Sean has yet to say a single unkind thing to me, or do anything that would hurt me, or make me cry.
that's a first.

***

Sean's friend Tyler will be leaving for Japan in a few months, to teach english. he'll be there for at least a year.

Sean knows how much i've always wanted to go to Japan, so he has made it his mission to take me. he wants to stay for at least a week.

i have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. ^_^
user entry data...
pointy hair
Sep. 21st, 2006 @ 07:51 pm (no data)
sorry i haven't updated in a while.

i need this. a cd called "where's neil when you need him?"

Track Listing:
1 Rasputina - Coraline
2 ThouShaltNot - When Everyone Forgets
3 Tapping The Vein - Trader Boy
4 Lunascape - Raven Star
5 Deine Lakaien - A Fish Called Prince
6 Thea Gilmore - Even Gods Do
7 Rose Berlin (feat. Curve) - Coraline
8 Schandmaul - Magda Treadgolds Märchen
9 Hungry Lucy - We Won't Go
10 Voltaire w/The Oddz - Come Sweet Death
11 Future Bible Heroes - Mr. Punch
12 Razed in Black - The Endless
13 The Cruxshadows - Wake the White Queen
14 Ego Likeness - You Better Leave the Stars Alone
15 Azam Ali - The Cold Black Key
16 Joachim Witt - Vandemar
17 Tori Amos - Sister Named Desire (Remastered)

***

Electrophest 2K6 went well. i gave Marc Church his birthday present: two Frank Kozik art books. he loves them.

rolled on the floor laughing during The Gothsicles set. i was one of the few that had heard of them before Electrophest (thanks to my ex Mark). i bought their CD, "NESferatu", and a t-shirt.

i also bought "Teethgrinder", the newest Terrorfakt release (Marc Church is thanked in the liner notes!), a Terrorfakt t-shirt and Terrorfakt boy-shorts (the last one at Marc's insistance.)

***

then to bowling green to visit my Sean. i had a fantastic few days just spending time with him, watching movies and tv, listening to music, and walking around campus. i never stop smiling when i am around him.

we went to downtown BG where i bought Razed In Black's "Damaged" (hooray! i finally own it again!)

mmm. artichoke pizza...

i love my Sean so much.

***

it has been decided that Sean is not-so-secretly Wash from the show "Firefly". numerous people have come to this conclusion independantly, so it must be true. they even resemble each other (though one would be hard pressed to ever catch Sean wearing a hawaiian shirt. playing with plastic dinosaurs, however...)

***

which reminds me. i finally own "Firefly" and "Serenity". someone sold them to the bookstore, and i bought both of them for under $30.

***

sunday night i went to peabody's to see MortIIs. (yes, i realize they were opening for The Genitorturers, but i didn't even bother to stay for their set.)

the majority of the songs came off their newest release, "The Grudge". i had hoped to hear more off "The Smell of Rain". i bought the special edition of "The Smell of Rain" and a tour t-shirt.

i also got two posters signed by MortIIs and his band. one is for Mark, who got me into them.

***

right now i'm sick. whee fun.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Sep. 7th, 2006 @ 11:20 pm (no data)
one more day of work. then i can look forward to a four day weekend.

music, friends, drinks, dispensing of a couple birthday presents, more music, more drinks.

a drive to ann arbor for more of friends, music and drinks.

then spend time with my boyfriend in bowling green. dates, snuggling, food, maybe more drinks.

***

i'm just wondering if i can switch with someone to open next sunday instead of close. i really don't want to miss mortiis.

***

i'm going to buy some new earrings tomorrow.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Sep. 5th, 2006 @ 11:45 am (no data)
they caught Steve Irwin's death on film.

the stingray was buried in the sand, and he had no idea it was there when he swam over it. he wasn't "molesting" it, and it was just defending itself from a perceived threat.

and he likely didn't know how badly he was hurt, because he pulled the barb out of his chest.

and then he was gone.

***

the australian government has offered to give him a state funeral.

and discovery communications, which produces animal planet, said it's considering setting up a fund to accept donations in Irwin's name to support wildlife protection, education, conservation, Irwin's zoo and for the education of his kids, Bindi Sue and Bob.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Sep. 4th, 2006 @ 08:22 am (no data)
Steve Irwin, "The Crocodile Hunter", husband to Terri Irwin and father of Bindi Sue and Bob Irwin, champion of animal education and conservation and head of Australia Zoo...

and one of my personal heroes...

has died.

he was filming in the Great Barrier Reef, and swam over a stingray, when the stingray's barb pierced through his chest and into his heart.

it was absolutely a freak accident, but one which has taken one of the most amazing people on the planet.
user entry data...
pointy hair
Aug. 31st, 2006 @ 10:50 pm (no data)
Hosted By: Genitorturers
When: Sunday Sep 17, 2006
at 8:00 PM
Where: PEABODY'S
CLEVELAND, OH 44115
US
Description:
Genitorturers with special guests Mortiis

Click Here To View Event

genitorturers and mortiis, september 17th at peabody's.

FUCK. YES.

come on. one of you nashville peeps needs to drive up here and go with me. MARK! I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU, RO-BUT!!!
user entry data...
pointy hair
Aug. 28th, 2006 @ 02:09 pm (no data)
Omen Machine will not be performing at Electrophest.

i feel slightly bad for NoShow, as it would have been a fantastic opportunity for him to get exposure, sell some merch, network, etc. it isn't that i think Omen Machine sucks; on the contrary, i think NoShow's music is amazing and i think he is very talented, and i still wake up with his songs blipping their way through my head in the morning.

it's just that listening to his music reminds me of him. of us. it brings memories rushing back to the surface like bile rising in my throat, choking me.

being around him would have made me a wreck. hearing his voice, however distorted... smelling angel*men cologne wafting over the stink of cigarettes and liquor and sweat...

i am relieved. i most likely never have to see him again.

***

so now i am completely looking forward to Electrophest, and especially to seeing Marc and Bradd and Daniel and Jacob, the fantastic Detroit DJs i met at the Psyclon Nine show when i first moved here. i am excited to give Marc his birthday present, and to stay with him the day after for his barbeque (god i love his house). i need to remember to make him some sugar-free cupcakes. ^_^

***

Sean and i talked last night until 1:30 am. i cuddled Tako-san (the octopus plush i bought at the zoo when i went with Sean) as i slept.

anytime i find myself drowning in my more unpleasant past, i think of our first date together, and how utterly perfect it was. i think of every day since that he has been part of my life. every day my past fills just a little bit more with him.

i am thankful that he had the courage to ask for my number after we met at the bookstore, and to kiss me the first time (i wanted to, but i couldn't bring myself to do it), and to comfort me when the sour darkness comes creeping through my brain again.

i love him.

sometimes i fear that saying that aloud precipitates the end...
user entry data...
pointy hair